Discipling: Asking Someone to be Discipled

As you become more intentional about making disciples, you will be spending time with people at various stages of spiritual growth. When you want to make the informal friendship more structured, but are not sure how to initiate a formal discipling relationship, here are some ideas to help you move ahead.


1. Pray about it—ask God to show you if the person is AFTeR more (see Disciple-making Toolbox 4.3, p. 54):


2. If so, ask the person if he/she is interested. If you're not sure how to begin that conversation, take a look at some of the samples below on how to ask.


3. Discuss the commitment it takes from both sides. A successful relationship should involve:




Conversation Starters

If you're wondering how to initiate the conversation with your candidate(s), here are some suggestions on how to get started!


Hello____, I've had you on my mind recently and wonder if you would be willing to talk with me about this discipleship stuff we've been talking about in church. I see potential and opportunity in you that I think God could really use for His kingdom. I would like to talk with you about helping you through that process by talking regularly, encouraging you and guiding you through some of the challenges you will face as you become more deliberate in using your life to serve God.


Hi _____,I've thought about you numerous times as we've been going through this discipleship series at church. I feel like I know your heart and I see you doing God's work already. I see additional potential in you and would like to discuss the idea of me being a discipleship mentor for you. This doesn't mean that I think I am smarter, stronger or better than you. It means that as I look at obeying the calling to be a disciple who make disciples, I see you as someone that I would like to invest in.

I see this is as an ongoing relationship where we check in with each other regularly and talk about your goals and how you're doing with them. I would promise to be available as a resource, a sounding board and an encourager. In return I'll ask you to commit to talk on a regularly scheduled basis and be willing to consider my ideas, suggestions and guidance. This isn't something I've done formally before, so we will both be learning as we go, but I have to say that I'm excited at the possibility of being a part of your doing great work for His kingdom.


Hey ______, I've thought about you as we have been talking about discipleship. I know that you have questions about Christianity, the church and what all this means to you and your family. I would like to help you as you explore a life of faith in Jesus. If you're willing to consider it, I would like to talk with you about formalizing a relationship where we would talk on a weekly basis. I'll check in and see how you're doing and we'll talk about the challenges that you face. I know that I won't have answers to all of your questions, but I promise to listen and help you find them. I will promise to pray for you regularly and to be a resource for you as well as a source of encouragement. In return I'll ask you to commit to talk with me regularly, to be open and share what's happening and be willing to consider what I have to say. This isn't something I've done formally before, so I'm sure there will be learning going on for both of us, but I'm also excited at the possibility of being a part of your growth as a follower of Jesus.


Hi ______, I've thought about you a lot as we've been going through this discipleship series at church and I wonder if you would be interested in talking about next steps. I see a lot potential in you and would like to help you tap that potential to do even more of God's work. I feel that I have areas of strength and giftedness that would compliment yours and would like to discuss the idea of me being a discipleship mentor for you. I see this is as an ongoing relationship where we check in with each other regularly and talk about your goals and how you're doing with them. I would promise to be available as a resource and an encourager for you. In return, I'll ask you to commit to:



This isn't something I've done before, so we will both be learning, but I'm excited at the possibility of being a part of your doing great work for His kingdom. If you are willing to consider this, please pray about it and if you're open to creating a formal relationship, I'd like to schedule a conversation and talk about what next steps would look like.


REMEMBER: The point isn't to be perfect, but to take the next step. God will guide this as you go if you put yourself into a position where He can use you and listen for His leadership!